The Wolf and the Kremlin

Chapter 18: Putin's War

Up to a point no matter what stupidity the Russian military pulled Putin was there to talk Russia out of it. He couldn't save them from the inevitable sanctions but Putin was actually very good at handling the Anglo-Saxons, enough so that he consistently just staved off massive air strikes on the Russian idiots touring the wrong side of their boarder. And from 2008 onwards and the most advisable boarder crossing that particular club managed was the time a combination of vodka, conscripts, and a armored personal carrier decided to re-enter their base straight through the perimeter fence. That one at least did not make it to the floor of the UN. However for the Ukrainian invasion the KGB had learned from earlier mistakes. This time Putin would be dealt with.

Putin as usual didn't like the war. So the KGB/FSB started providing him with incentives. Over a dozen of the President's closest associates, who he was known to be friendly with met violent deaths right around the time of the Ukrainian invasion. In one case an entire family “committed suicide”. The western press only mentioned the one or two who actually got out far enough to object to the war. Of course, true to their CCP funding, they accused the President and managed to not even report the majority of the deaths. Putin had no reason to randomly start killing his friends, this was clearly an attack on the President not an attack by the President. After these little massacres Putin finally gets cooperative enough that he reads the declaration. Although not before making the KGB tear his leg up and probably at least one experiment with Karate on a reader machine. By the time the KGB got a video of the President declaring war the reader machine had been placed at least 20 ft out of his reach at a funny angle and he was still glaring bloody-murder at it. Usually when a public figure reads a speech into the camera, the camera and the text machine are placed close together to give the illusion that the person is actually looking into the camera. From the separation of the camera and the reader machine (and the distance of the reader machine) it looks like the KGB had so much fun with the little President that they decided to just use a practice run which he probably didn't know was going to be aired.

There are those who think Putin went into some kind of emotional tizzy of which his anger here was a symptom and declared war in a rage. This is not Vladimir Putin. To begin with he doesn't get angry with the Americans. He never respected them enough before. He's not going to start with Joe blow Biden. Second the usual suspects in the west have been trying everything their power to offend for like decades. Putin ignores them. Even his enemies agree that Putin is one cold blooded son of a bitch. Putin wasn't out of control angry he was clearly using his anger. He turned it off the instant he added his own words at the end of the declaration. Men have different responses to torture: some break down, some weep, some scream and some get really really mad. Putin was using the intense anger as a block against the KGB.

The next ordeal was the public group meeting. By this time the President is clearly in pain. However upon limping into the room he still puts on his best POW act. Putin looked, except for the position of his chair and the fact that the KGB had not yet hit is face, almost exactly like the American pilots from the original gulf war testifying for Saddam. He reads his one line, or so, on cue and absolutely refuses to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

Shoigu is off to the side looking like the original worried worried man he can clearly see that something is terribly wrong, (he at least doesn't appear to be happily in on the plot to destroy his own army), unfortunately he is a little to good at obeying orders. If the CIA at this point was actually working for the American people and trying to stop the third world war (not start it) this should have led to an immediate challenge by our government of the war and the real motives behind it, not on the basis of UN law but on the basis of Russian law. As it was Putin's maneuver was lost on almost all but the KGB. By the time he made his next public appearance he had gone from limping to literally dragging his leg behind him unable to walk.

Putin being in a room filled with Russians must have been thinking about making a break for it. But if the crowed was nothing but stooges hauled in by the KGB to cheer his every word it wouldn't do much good running to them for help. So he starts testing them. Of course he had to choose ballistics, what else? He starts proposing that the Russians are seeing Ukrainians about to shoot their comrades and jumping in front of their bullets. Naturally you don't want to shoot the SOB who is about to shoot your brother in arms, no you want to jump in front of the bullet knocking his rifle out of position just in case he was going to shoot the Ukrainian so that the Ukrainian instead of being shot can now get two Russians with one bullet. Rifles like the AK-47 are notorious for over penetration and Putin knows this. He kept looking from face to face in the crowd as he gave this ridiculous commentary on brotherly love. Unfortunately the closest most Russians have come to a battle field is Call of Duty and you can probably stop a tank shell in COD. If we all die in the third world war we can thank video game physics.

The Russian President made the most idiotic speech in the history of idiotic speeches and nearly got a standing ovation, much to his despair no doubt. It did take about three sentences off script before the KGB got over their astonishment that this guy couldn't even walk but he was still at it. Then the entire Russian television network cut their President off mid-sentence and to another channel. The usual mental deficients in the western fake new tried to say it was the Ukrainians that cut off the Russian president from internal Russian television inside of Russia. The Ukrainians might have been able to flip over one camera if they were lucky but there were probably at least 5 cameras in that room sending out feeds not to mention every major new agency in Russia covering the President's speech. That was no Ukrainian; that was the FSB that cut off the President.

He paid for it of course. Even the western press started noticing the President was showing signs of such extreme pain that they happily started speculating about a brain tumor. He didn't have a brain tumor, he had a KGB tumor, the kind that comes from being extremely challenged when it comes to following directions. Around the last time the real President was seen he had a swollen face. The media tried to say this was somehow related to, they seemed pretty confused, maybe the brain tumor they had come up with earlier. There is a really simple way to get a swollen face: just try and throttle the nearest KGB agent, during one of your group meetings, and somewhere in the scuffle vola you get a broken jaw.

Chapter 19: The End of a Presidency

The KGB at this point had finally had enough. They took the trouble off to Siberia and the real President hasn't been seen since. Shoigu did also disappear at about this time so he probably went after Putin. Putin might be dead or he might have been rescued by Shoigu and still be being be stored somewhere down a missile silo. The perfectly healthy “Putin” that “returned” wasn't the President it was the squinty eyed body double who has since proceeded to get really fat. The real President never gets fat. Left to his own devices he attempts to turn into a small bear.

In any case there is some indication that he might still be alive. The Russian government released a picture of Putin and Prigozhin. Putin was wearing body armor, kinda ridiculous, since he isn't going to be anywhere near combat. The armor though was probably really there to partially conceal how thin the President was. Looked like he had just gone through another session with KGB, one of those sessions where the KGB, decided that the safest way to deal with the Lobo was to not feed him until he lost most of his muscle and couldn't do most of the things he's otherwise trained to do. Hopefully this picture was taken at the tail end of their disagreement over the second Ukrainian war, which would mean the President was still alive.

Prigozhin almost certainly knew about the switch of the body double for the President and that was the real meaning of his comment “Russia will have a new President soon”. He may have been a patriot who was trying to restore the democracy, or he may have gone back to his old ways and decided to use the knowledge for blackmail. In either case he knew too much.